The Past Tense of Grief

I loved him. It’s been two months since he passed, and those three words still feel so awfully cruel. Every conversation now happens in the past tense. As if a switch was flipped the moment he passed. It doesn’t work like that though. Those few moments, between him being alive, and him not being alive,Continue reading “The Past Tense of Grief”

Rituals for Grief (The First Birthday)

July 5, 2022 – Anglesey Today would have been opa’s 85th birthday. He almost made it. After a lovely dinner with the whole family, my parents, partner, and I retreat to the huge backyard. The sky is a dark ink blue – a lifetime of words quietly bleeding through the clouds, into the sky –Continue reading “Rituals for Grief (The First Birthday)”

The Crushing Guilt of “Grieving Wrong”

Note: if you haven’t read Part 1: The First Days of Grief, you might want to start there. We flew to New York the morning after the funeral. For me, the hardest part of grieving has been the crushing guilt of always feeling like I’m somehow grieving the wrong way. Some days, I drown myselfContinue reading “The Crushing Guilt of “Grieving Wrong””

The First Days of Grief

I lost my grandfather. My favourite person in the whole world. (When I told him – barely two weeks before he passed – he smiled widely and squeezed my hand. “Favourite person?” he said, raising an eyebrow, barely suppressing a chuckle. I nodded vehemently. “Yes, that’s right. And I meant it.” We smiled at eachContinue reading “The First Days of Grief”